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So, you turned the big 18 in the last four years, Congratulations.  Along with all of the other wonderful responsibilities of being a legal adult, you get slapped with the exciting opportunity to figure out who to vote for.  What political party do you want at the helm when this country nose dives into the ground?  Is there such a thing as “the lesser of two evils”?  Decisions, decisions.  I’ve decided to put together this brief post, to maybe give you a basic idea of what your choices are.

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Three explorers were traveling deep in an African jungle when they were captured by a tribe of wild headhunters.  After taking them back to the village, the chief approaches the first explorer.

“Death or Umba Gumba?” asks the chief.  The first explorer thinks that anything must be better than death, so he chooses, “Umba Gumba.”  The chief turns to his tribe and signals them.  All of the males in the tribe jump on the first explorer, ripping off his clothes and violently raping and sodomizing him for almost three hours.  When they are finished, the explorer is battered and broken, but he is still alive.

The chief approaches the second explorer.  “Death or Umba Gumba?” asks the chief.  The second explorer thinks that Umba Gumba looked pretty bad, but still it must be better than death, so he chooses, “Umba Gumba.”  The chief turns to his tribe and signals them.  All of the males in the tribe jump on the second explorer, ripping off his clothes and violently raping and sodomizing him for almost three hours.  When they are finished, the explorer is battered and broken, but he is still alive.

The chief approaches the third explorer.  “Death or Umba Gumba?” asks the chief.  The third explorer says (rather boldly) “There’s no way in hell a tribe of wild headhunters is gonna do that shit to me, I CHOSE DEATH!!!”  The chief pauses a moment and scratches his chin.  He turns to his tribe and raises his hands over his head and shouts, “DEATH….  by Umba Gumba!!!”

The moral of this story???  When you step into that voting booth come November, you need to be thinking “Death or Umba Gumba?”